Pooper Scooper Survivor T-Shirts

"I know you're scared, but you can do this! Remember that time I had to clean up after you and I didn't have a bag and had to use leaves?! I was so afraid, but I did it…"

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

A Snowman using a Pooper-Scooper to pick up his Dog's ice cube Doo Doo

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Cheers mate, you've done me a solid."

Mime walking dog passes some invisible dog poop.

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

Happy New Year! Hope you can stay up for it!

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

Conga train chasing a man at a party.

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

'Didn't I tell you to take up some hobby other than opera?'

"The surgery went well. You'll be issued a 'Contains No Nuts' card upon discharge."

Another great new year's eve! We're not doing anything, Ames. That's what's so good about it. The Dixons asked us over for a Quaker new year. They pop the bottles at 9 p.m. I guess

"Right now, I'm between naps."

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

"Man, this party's boring... do you think we oughta add a laugh track?"

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

'So I guess it's New Year!'

New You Plastic Surgery. That's right, doctor, I gave her the bill and her nose went right out of joint again.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

The Alps - Hannibal Picks Up After the Elephants.

"Not a chance."

"Let's be realistic. Are we all going to try to keep this party afloat, or should we just go home and forget it?"

'Gee!'