Polling Nerd Gifts

"There's a 75% probability that the election will go one way or the other, but I wouldn't want you to hold me to that!"

Turkish Democracy

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

Pollster

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

Cherchez la femme

"Europe has learned...yeah, this time we don't need a war to destroy ourselves!"

"This internet survey is asking me to take another survey rating the survey I'm taking."

Transgender Bathroom Debate

'China's on the phone, Mr. President -- they say you're overdrawn.'

"Take Elevator B To The Fourth Floor Then Turn Right..."

"The latest poll numbers must be out."

'Our poll shows the typical voter is all polled out.'

Dropping Popularity of Obama.

Lettuce referendum: "I voted romaine."

No Prison is big enough for William Tweed

"Oh, I do listen to the voice of the people, filtered of course, through my corporate donors."

IRS. Can I check off a dollar to be used against candidates for public office?

Schwarzenegger flexes muscle for Californain Governor's race.

'History is made - a major party chooses an African-American presidential candidate!'

Settlement of the Alabama Claims

Emmanuel Macron

"Your first summit?"

"You've recorded every one of the referendum debates, how exciting!"

"Your poll results on't look good. You're trailing 'statistically insignificant'."

Bees voting at a Pollen Station.

'Remember, Fenton, polling results are in the eye of the manipulator.'

'I didn't run for class president because I was unsure if your credit rating could stand the scrutiny.'

Carnival Sued Under the Helms Burton Act

Gentlemen, I'm gathering information about the electorate. First question, how have you voted in the past? Sometimes I've filled in circles with a pen. Or used an electronic touch-screen. Once I punched holes in a card! When you live in Florida, right? I've written in a name. And voted by mail! I'm beginning to understand why polling data is increasingly unreliable.

'Turns out Gordon's not Labour's John Major...he's Labour's Ted Heath.'

CONGRESS, 'He's a middle of the road type? - How can you tell?'