Polling Fanatic Gifts

'I KNOW the country is deeply divided!'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Alternative fielding positions

'Can you fetch all of these but leave these others alone?'

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

Middlesex Election, 1804- Burdett and his Radical Allies Anticipate Victory

"The issues are a big snore, Dave. Let's talk about my hair on fire."

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

The Election Strategy

Sarah Palin Fact #2783, Sarah Palin makes her own diamond earrings by squeezing coal.

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

Vote for Brown

Just a sec – I want to see which wishes get the most likes before I decide.

Pop orchestra plays concert for children

Election Time

'Our poll shows the typical voter is all polled out.'

"Angry or Hangry?

Dropping Popularity of Obama.

"The latest poll numbers must be out."

Election Celebration: '...we're celebrating the end of the 2012 political campaigns.'

'Since 'demonizing'of political rivals is so popular, I've decided to run.'

"I'm undecided, but that doesn't mean I'm apathetic or uninformed."

'...And now the award for best performance by a politician trying to improve his or her poll numbers...'

"Another case of wearing too many presidential candidate buttons."

'How would Jesus register?'

'If we are going to vote on everything, why do we need a legislator?'

"Oh, it's a letter to Thingy on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' saying it's not back in a few moments. . . it's Minutes!"

"Your poll results on't look good. You're trailing 'statistically insignificant'."

'So...watching the democrat national convention made up your mind who you're voting for?'

Can you feel the excitement building? The election is more than a month off. Nonsense!! It's not more than a month off? Yes, technically, in the sense that time is ordinarily measured. But it's so close I can taste it. You can taste the general election? Like chocolate mousse! The season of the political junkie is upon us.

Bush Senior.

Vote like your rights depend on it

'Have a tequila - have a tequila!'