Political Humor Collector Pillows

'...Jump...!'

"Of course I'm qualified. I never called him a f------ moron."

"Sorry, buddy. But that particular model has a 30-day waiting period."

Ukrainian Elections

"And you say these stabbing back pains started when you got into politics?"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

Trump pardons

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Bert's dog training.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Eat me"

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

Cake Free Zone

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

A watch face with Stonehenge