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'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

Why should I take you home instead of your friend? (Republican and Democrat).

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

The White House: Some Assembly Required.

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

"All other letters have been disallowed."

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

'Poor Americans...If this includes intellectual torture, they'll have to cancel 70 of their Hollywood productions...' (Caption may be modified.)

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

Comments. Complaints. Constitutional Amendments.

"So we have met before..."

'Sure, but think what a crook I'd be without hypocrisy!'

DOGE* to English Instant Translator Device

"The president says it's a weather balloon."

Day 1: The Launch. . . Starting Day 2: Another Government Bailout.

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

'Ask NOT what your country can do you...but what gender neutral policy initiatives can be put up for discussion and negotiation within a framework of ZERO fiscal resource allocation...'

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"

War of Words

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'Oh no! The sharp elbowed middle class!'

'I'm resigning -- so voters won't get the satisfaction of kicking me out of office!'

"Let's give him a few minutes to grieve. His idea of taxing the air taxpayers breath was rejected."

"I don't think we can take 10,000 lakes as collateral."

'I believe in you, Jeffrey, and I believe in Al Gore.'

"Six fact checkers spontaneously combusting in one election cycle? Yeah, I am starting to see a pattern, Higgins."