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Sadie, I keep hearing all this talk about how the president might be literally insane. It's making me feel anxious. Sometimes I wonder if this is how the British felt when King George III went crazy and lost America. Or is it more like how the Romans felt when Caligula made his horse a senator? That reminds me: Did you get to ride Caligula's horse, or were you too old for that? Before I answer that, let me show you what the Romans did to losers in the old days ...

"Ah, the Trump blimp is destroying the New York Times building. Must be Tuesday."

The Berlin Peace Movement

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

Why should I take you home instead of your friend? (Republican and Democrat).

'Poor Americans...If this includes intellectual torture, they'll have to cancel 70 of their Hollywood productions...' (Caption may be modified.)

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

The Dangers of Corporate Personhood

"All other letters have been disallowed."

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

'Sure, but think what a crook I'd be without hypocrisy!'

"The president says it's a weather balloon."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Comments. Complaints. Constitutional Amendments.

Patrick Hendy Rodham Clinton

DOGE* to English Instant Translator Device

"So we have met before..."

Day 1: The Launch. . . Starting Day 2: Another Government Bailout.

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"

'I believe in you, Jeffrey, and I believe in Al Gore.'

Thwarting the Boys from Brazil

"Let's give him a few minutes to grieve. His idea of taxing the air taxpayers breath was rejected."

'I'm resigning -- so voters won't get the satisfaction of kicking me out of office!'

'Oh no! The sharp elbowed middle class!'

War of Words

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

'Ask NOT what your country can do you...but what gender neutral policy initiatives can be put up for discussion and negotiation within a framework of ZERO fiscal resource allocation...'

"I don't think we can take 10,000 lakes as collateral."