Political Campaign Manager Gifts

"In the absence of substantial campaign finance reform, it will soon cost more money to put someone in the White House than it did to put a man on the moon."

"Careful, now...too much and you'll ruin the recipe...!"

"He claims he has you on video - how can I put this? - 'courting the gay vote.'"

Oh, the usual...another Friday, another document dump.

'Of course you may have heard these campaign promises before...because I practice campaign promise recycling!'

'Yes, Obama's always smiling, but it's a serious smile.'

"Left, right, beneath, on top...it's simply a question of money!"

"The Democrats are in rotten shape - We CAN'T lose this time!"

Newt Is Done

Meanwhile, back at the GOP presidential candidate interviews. . .

Mysterious green stench fouls reflecting pool...

Illinois Senate Seat - buy now, save on election expenses.

'Ok, Mr. Eagle, let's face this voter apathy issue head on. . . all kidding aside. . . what can we do to get back the voters?'

"Keep Barbara Bush in the White House!"

"It's a seasonal thing....Like the first gritters of the winter and the first cuckoo of spring!"

"Hi, this is RFK Jr." "Who?" "I'm just calling to remind you I'm still running for president." "Oh. Ok, now you have a good time." "I'm also calling to remind you I'm available for speaking engagements at your large rally, small rally, bar mitzvah, or assorted car wash openings." "Would you like me to speak at your function?" "Oh no, that's all right. Don't worry about it."

Aspirations

"Good boy."

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'If only every year was an election year.'

Political convention

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

An informed voter is a good voter

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

Elections

The Russian Election.

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

I want to be a politician when I grow up...