Police Training Gifts

Remedial SWAT team training.

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Agility God

"A little help, please."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"Don't even think about it."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Have you tried biting him?"

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

Pet Entertainers

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

"That's awesome that you taught him to heel, but I just want him to walk normally."

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

Jump Boy!God, your life must be dull.

'I'll bet you taught him that!'

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'The months of arduous training were worth it, she makes a decent martini.'

Police outline artist training academy: the intro 101 class.

"He's an ex-police dog, so he's very law abiding."

"Oh, we've got to nip this little trick in the bud right away."