Police Procedurals T-Shirts

"You're not getting anything out of me unless you pinch really hard with your thumb and forefinger, then pull."

The Executioner's Identity Lineup

"Of course we have evidence. The whole thing was captured on video."

"The suspect is roughly 55 feet tall and quite possibly green."

Trial by Media

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

Sue The Bastards

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

Cat points to the dog who injured him, at a police station.

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

The Investigation

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'We have a positive ID on the spacecraft, Mr. Ferguson. Now, if you can identify the one who abducted you, we won't keep you any longer!'

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'