Police Procedural Parody Fan Prints

CHANNEL THIRTEEN TAKES ON THE NETWORKS

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

"So then how do you explain trigonometry, tough guy!"

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

"If we could explain it in Hip-hop, officer?. . . It would be like this!"

The Investigation

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'We have a positive ID on the spacecraft, Mr. Ferguson. Now, if you can identify the one who abducted you, we won't keep you any longer!'

Moon Line UP

'I'll be happy to provide a blood sample but it won't be mine.'

'Jimmy. Stick to the outline.'

Excessive Paperwork

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

"No. 3 step forward and whine, 'Please, Mom, I'm forty-four years old—I can tie my own tie.'"

'I wish I could do Search and Rescue too: When you're a Police Dog, the people you find don't actually want to be found...'

'You got a search warrant?'

'Have you any idea what speed you were doing, sir?'

"Next time the killer comes on your radio do not say 'COPY THAT'."

'Take a good look at this police sketch and try to remember if you've seen anybody who can draw better.'

"Next time you rob a bank, don't stick around to take a bunch of selfies with the money."

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

'A dynamite sales idea, Lou. I'm just sorry I have to notify the police.'

"He'll crack. We're using the good cop, ambiguous cop, perplexed coop, detached cop, forgetful cop, bad cop scenario."

' We have ways of making them talk but how do we make them shut up ?!! '

Police Picket Line - Do Not Cross.

'You have the right to remain silent.'

'Hello, Sir. Are you answering this call on a hands-free mobile?' 'Em...'

"Next on... Auto Mechanic M.D. Your knees are shot, so I'm going to try injecting some grease. If that doesn't work, I'll make you new knees from some shock absorbers."