Police Comedy Fan Prints

Policewoman

'OK - Spread em.'

"If we could explain it in Hip-hop, officer?. . . It would be like this!"

"Come on out, Rocco. We know you're in there."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

CHANNEL THIRTEEN TAKES ON THE NETWORKS

"So then how do you explain trigonometry, tough guy!"

'Not much cop are you!'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I'll be happy to provide a blood sample but it won't be mine.'

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

'I wish I could do Search and Rescue too: When you're a Police Dog, the people you find don't actually want to be found...'

"No. 3 step forward and whine, 'Please, Mom, I'm forty-four years old—I can tie my own tie.'"

'You got a search warrant?'

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

Man sees his double in ID parade. Policeman says: 'Please indicate which of these men stole your identity.'

'Okay, I'll give you the money, but this could negatively affect your credit rating.'

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

Therapy among thieves

The Codfather.

New York City, the Bronx, and another successful Vice Squad raid comes to wraps (real vices used for arresting criminals).

"Next time you rob a bank, don't stick around to take a bunch of selfies with the money."

Good Mop, Bad Mop.