Plus-size Fashion Gifts

Simply Be-Hemoth ladies fashion catalogue

Big is gracious.

"I was almost that last year."

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

Emergency Hipster Beard

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

Mrs Sutherland and her American Hairless Terrier.

"My scoop-back tank comes in Mango, Morning Glory, and Scallion. Don's Maori surfers are available in Iris, Mustard, and Prawn."

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

Puss in Heels

Knight walking a dog.

Ladies Fashions - "Money isn't tight - you are!"

"I'm thinking of changing my parting."

"Darling, I love how you've curated yourself."

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

'We want to adopt a kid. Do you have a choice our feng shui consultant can look at?'

'Take ten years off the top.'

'I can just make it out. She's saying 'call my hairdresser'.'

Bathing woman wearing a hat

"Fake."

"This is our new one-piece for the more mature ladies."

"Honey,...Oscar wants to go for a walk."

Cat's Pajamas

'This'll get more attention than that silly salad they named after you.'

Designer labels "I'm sorry, but I think I've forgotten your name."

"I'll be glad to see the back of winter - I'm sick of having to wear so much on a night out."

"Have you ever wondered what I'd look like in skinny jeans?"

'What do you call a blonde doing hand stands? A brunette.'

"I can't believe school starts next week."

'Maybe a tad too much eye makeup.'

Good Luck

Hair of the dog spots: a dog wearing a beret