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'What did the plumber think of your suggestion?'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

The Hammer

Moses unblocking the toilet.

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'Can you take the lid off this jar for me...?'

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

"The bones were bad enough, but this is just ridiculous."

'I feel like I'm in a rut, too!'

'It's more festive-looking!'

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'Are you sure this is where you buried your Daddy?'

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'

GLOO!

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

...they can't take the factory out of the man - he's off to do some welding.

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

"Don't disturb Daddy darling: he's just received his new issue of "Basic Tools Monthly"..."

'Not only did I fix the leak, but when you run the hot water it plays 'Harlem Nocturne'.'

'It's an old work injury.'

'Obviously the natives here are sophisticated tool makers.'

"OK, now I want everybody to put their hands together and make something with tools!"

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

Why you should never leave a sander alone in a locked room.