Pledge Drive Devotee Gifts

"Ordinarily, we'd love to come, but we don't want to miss a single minute of tonight's pledge drive."

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Drive-thru Church

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice a favourite, and entrusted by his master.

Car wash / Mouth wash

"An object of love that you can get inside, totally inside."

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

'Put that down your fool! It's a bone of contention.'

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

"...And please let the merger do through!"

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

'You'll be very happy here...I know I am!'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"I told him he was allowed one phone call. He's making a pledge to Channel 13."

Sir Edmund Hillary Arriving Home To His Third Floor Apartment

"You should have said you wanted chairs when you booked the table."

Hire a lawyer - get one free! Limited time only.

"I think you better let me drive, I haven't renewed your license yet."

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

Turning with mathematical precision.

'. . . Did you want an apple pie with that value meal, sir?'

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

Graduation Creation of Adam

"Perhaps a dirge would lift your spirits?"

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

Pummping oil on troubled waters.

'And a second degree in Australian studies.'

"Would sir like to bless the wine before I serve it?"

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

Hit me.

'The problems with charities is that they are always needing donations.'

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."