Plea Bargain Punster Gifts

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Sweep the board.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

Dogs life

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"You can't plead cute."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Kamikaze Colour

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'