Playroom Curator T-Shirts

'Darling, you remember that unbreakable toy we bought him? He's used it to break all the others...'

Paul Klee

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

"I was almost that last year."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Shoe addict.

It's a call from Tate modern.

'Projectile painting.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'You must be awfully secure in your masculinity.'

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

What can I play?

"That must be the artist over there."

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

The perfectionist.

Person carrying balloons and plants.

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

'For the luxury item I'd like my ipod.'

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

Sculptor's chippings

Kapoor & Piss-poor (Anish Kapoor sculpture beside Marcel Deschamps urinal)

"He's left out the staples"

"I could do that."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"Wow! - An original Bacon!!"

Happy Hog - Manet

'This statue is based on an earlier work of mine from the pre-kindergarten era.'

Hat Boxes, in the Closet

"Brat"