Playoff Planner Pillows

Zoo Football League. Don't worry. They're formidable opponents in the early season but they'll be hibernating by the time the playoffs start.

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

ACME Balloon Company.

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

'...and if you guys keep screwing up, I'm gonna have to start kicking some butt!'

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

"This better be important."

Piggy bank...cash cow.

"In keeping with my promise to spread the wealth, I'm giving you all a bigger piece of the pie."

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

'Of course, this plan requires that you all work for free.'

'And that's the quickest way out of the car park after the game.'

The whole club stands behind the coach...

'My backup special...'

The final days of hair coloring

'The end is near.'

The Waiting Game

With Running Lanes/Without Running Lanes

'If the Mayan calendar is right, how should I back up my files?'

"We thought we'd put in the details later."

'He's using a cheat sheet, ump! Can he do that?'

"Chief, I'd like a four-year sabbatical to prepare for the millennium."

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

"Dad said they'd sell like hotcakes, but they're selling like vegetables."

"It's my life line in case the rapture happens, so I'm not left behind."