Playoff Analyst Gifts

"You think we like these extra playoff rounds?"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Cricket Accidents.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

The Other Cooperstown

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

Centaur Forward

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Lost Season

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'Nice tackle, Dewey! You knocked the fur ball out of him!'

Wilfried Zaha

Basketball.

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."

'Here's a play my backup QB designed. Everyone goes long and I throw to our opponent.'