Playing With Words Pillows

The early worm catches the bird.

"Now, just for fun. Kick it!"

"Do you file your nails..?

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Zombie standup

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Backfire

"That's it. We’re toast."

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."