Word Play Enthusiast Pillows

'I'll agree to a fifty-fifty split, but I get the hyphen.'

Gallstone patient sees sign - 'this too shall pass.'

Bob tries getting off on a technicality.

"Say your prayers, liturgies, Tefilah, Daily Salat, Sacred Mantra, Ritual Incantation or the secular affirmation of your choice, Varmint!”

Whack-A-Yankee

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

Swerving Suggestion

'Can you check my balance.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Though he was ecstatic at the time, years later Mark would discover that his dog simply had a speech impediment.

"Check it out."

'How was my evaluation They really cut me down to size.'

"I think this one's in the bag."

Grocer's school teaching bad spellings.

Dijon Vu

'Mom, is a stem line anything like a clothes line?'

'How come there's no Grandmother clauses?'

Leaving the past behind....

"I prefer the term "urban timeshare" to "homeless shelter".

'I told you we should use some pig Latin in our quarterly statement. It's important to have investors trying to decipher something other than our quarterly returns.'

Dyslexic Cattle Ranch

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

Dr. Harris: Dermatologist - Rash Decisions Made Here Daily!

Old McDonald, first grader, fails English.

"I don't know where Mr. Buchner is. He told me he had to go."

"Let me guess, you're not into sports, are you?"

Loopholes

"Someone's ripped out the 5th month."

"You'll be sorry Charles!"

Attorneys: Guess What the Name of the Game Is.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Kid Reads "The Little Tibetan Book Of The Dead"

Gotta Fly