Playdate Partner T-Shirts

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

Mixed Doubles.

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

Holding hands

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

Boy and his dog

"I'm so glad we enjoy the same style foreplay."

"I brought you a wig because you said you like long hair."

Kids with Fish Balloons

Advanced footsie

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

'Can Anna come out and ride?'

"Just ignore it. It's a mirage."

Love.

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

Puppy Love

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'Come on dear, don't be shy: This little she-chameleon just wants to play...'

Teddy Bear

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

Frank, this is carrying safe sex too far.

'That's the last time I ask you to tie my shoe laces!'

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'The sleepover was great Mum: Timmy's house is a pigsty just like ours...'

'I told you that 2 month old balonie was cursed!'

'Henry, cut that out.'

"It's cute that yours has a Fire Island share, mine has the East Hampton Dream House."

You are simply the Greatest

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.