Platypus Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

"You shouldn't worry. Aside from the duck kill and the eggs you're a perfectly normal mammal."

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

Odette from Swan Lake

'Actually, a broken arm is not such a big handicap for me...'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

Tiptoe through the tulips with me!

Kindergarten Primary School Teacher

'Just too many choices.'

"An accountant? No son of mine is going to be an accountant! You'll be an octopus wrangler like your old man, and like it!"

Frederic Chopin.

"I got out of tulips after the market collapsed, but I'm slowly getting back in. Especially pink ones."

"I don't know art, but I know what I like."

"Anyone else having trouble drawing hands?"

Little Dutch boy tends tulip plant

Vote GOP: 'Lowering taxes for the rich creates jobs, in the huge demand for security guards!'

'Too bad you couldn't find my tax returns! This time see if you can find your tax rates!'

Family Portrait

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1,273,426 steps."

'Wheeee...'

"Oh, he's cute, all right, but he's got the temperament of a car alarm."

"The good news is he costs a quarter of what a string quarted would; the bad news is that, of course, he's suffocating."

'You put your third lower left leg in, you put your third lower left leg out, in, out, in, out, you shake it all about...'

Tadpoles

'Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch! Boy I hate hot sand...'

'You don't know how lucky you are having tentacles instead of arms. I spend a fortune in manicure.'

"...Then when Rockefeller and Goldwater have the convention tied up in a knot―we spring Charlie on 'em!"

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

"Larry, stop signing your memos with your initials. No one takes them seriously."

Octopus Shadow Puppets

Trilby - 'Un Impromptu de Chopin'.

Akin Remarks explode in the Republican's face.