Plate Licker Appreciator Pillows

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

A Prickly Pair

"Please don't kill me."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Tortured Plank

"Still workin' on that, sir?"

'...if you look at it in the right way it begins to make sense.'

"I'll be grateful for the small things, and you can be grateful for the big things - that way, we'll have it covered."

"And remember, we're a multi-denominational church - we accept fiver, tenner, euros, dollars. . ."

"If they don't like the food, try to explain to them how hard it is to cook really good food."

"It's always Roy G. Biv this, Roy G. Biv that. Never Burnt Sienna!"

"Have you got it in beige?"

A license plate that reads LIC-PLT

Artist painting his own paints instead of the view.

"My art teacher said I passed the finger painting assignment with flying colors."

"And if you press that one, someone will come in and tell you what a good job you're doing,"

"The money's not all that flash here, but you do get recognition for good work."

"You always said I could be what ever I want to be. I want to be someone who doesn't eat vegetables."

'Just to clarify IOU's do not qualify as a tithe!'

"Yes, you will get a company car. It'll have a big, blue flashing light on the roof!"

"Please stop asking if everything's okay...you keep ruining the light for our pictures!"

"I set a goal, I met it, I proved that I could meet it, and now the hell with it."

"I don't like foreign food myself: I only suck the blood of native animals..."

'Boy, they don't miss a thing, do they?'

"Kids Menu Square"

"Do we really have to use these plates?"

Tapas

Punch and Judy on Ice.

'See, didn't I tell you that my Mom is a great cook!'

"Gracie, how can you appreciate being full...if you've never been hungry?"

"She just never seems to get enough attention."

'The last thing I remember, my wife said it would not hurt to compliment her once in a while.'

"Don't you know who I am?! I demand an upgrade! I'm a platinum-plus frequent fly..."

(No caption. Signs read the following: Pizza. Pizza By The Slice. Pizza Cut Up Into Tiny Bites.)

'Tokens Of Our Esteem'