Plantation Owner T-Shirts

Traveler speaking to colonial plantation worker

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

Use your imagination.

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Queen of Quinoa

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

The Cat's Alarm Clock

"Come to think of it, I can't think of the last time I saw a monarch around here."

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

Arctic Hothouse

'Okay, so we had a rainy spring. If we can't make these grapes into wine, maybe we can sell them as water balloons.'

Man in woods sees sign, 'No Trespassing', next to 'Go Ahead - Make Our Day!'

William and Real Estate

'I don't know what it is. It showed up right after I invented agriculture.'

Chelsea flower show sewage

“UKRAINE FARM LAND PICK YOUR OWN”

Class Reunion. Back in school, Ernie was the world's biggest Beatle fan! For the reunion, he's written songs about some of our classmates. There's a cheesemaker

"If we poured the millions of dollars we spend on advertising into improving our vineyard, we wouldn't have to advertise."

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

"Actually, these are more valuable than the golden ones now."

"Oh no, Daisy's committing herbicide!"

"I heard they bought thousands of acres around here."