Landowner T-Shirts

'Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, because I own the damn valley.'

"I've sold my airspace."

The Wrongs of Ireland

Man caught trespassing having fallen through ice

"I heard they bought thousands of acres around here."

Landowner Counts Sheep

The Land Grab: Then and Now

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

Use your imagination.

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

The Cat's Alarm Clock

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

"Someday, son, all this will be yours. It'll be under water, but still ..."

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

"The pH level seems a little off."

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

Brewery Lorry has Saloon Doors.

The Speculators

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

'Come back, you fool! -- The Earth is three-fourths ocean!'