Plant-based Warriors Pillows

A vegetarian cursing a cow.

"States of tofu"

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'New Barbeque.'

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

'Say, aren't those the same weeds that came up last year?'

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

"How did you cure your dog of begging for food?"

"Race you to the corner! Last one there is an expired egg substitute!"

"It helps if you think of it as a turkey."

Dale regretted going to the Vegan restaurant.

"'Tofu'? Qu'est-ce que c'est 'tofu'?"

"I am still vegan, I am just having a cheat day."

The early days of tofurkey.

'... Got anything besides apples?'

"Apparently, giving up wearing fur wasn't enough!"

"You said we were going to break bread, Mom. These are vegetables."

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

"I can't remember which ones are plant-based."

"It's a victory garden. And the weeds have won."

"How almond milk is made"

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense."

"What've you got that's good for vegans?"

'Hey, a fly! This is supposed to be vegetarian soup.'