Planning Inheritance Pillows

"The kids are at that age when they'd really like to know our net worth."

'...and to our children we leave our holiday snaps.'

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. ... Actually, you know what? You can have it now."

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

Graph Your Relatives!

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"One day son, all this will be run by robots."

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'That's true son..Money can't buy happiness. But it makes being unhappy a little easier to live with.'

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

"Someday this will all be yours...assuming that someday you'll have enough to buy it from me."

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"And to my son Frank, I leave my greenhouse in the country."

Contest of wills.

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"Apparently the will was typed up wrong and UCLA got all your husband's money...and you get his brain!"

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."