Planet Jokester Gifts

"I just did a transit of mercury."

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

'Actually, we were hoping you guys would have the solution to all our problems.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Not now, Oliver."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

Cosmonaughty

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

". . . And how long have you felt alienated?"

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

The first transatlantic communication.

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.