Pizza Detective Pillows

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

GM Crops Genie.

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"Don't tell him anything."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

Horse meat scandal.

CSI Fridays

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Mine was stone cold.'

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"