Pirate Storyteller Gifts

"Should we tell the captain about that approaching enemy ship?"

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

Naval Veterans Drinking at Greenwich Pub

"As I was only saying the other day..."

Pirates: "To absent Limbs."

Ghostship

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

Pirates at the mall.

"There she be, lads, the special economic zone!"

Pirate King

"My new book will be an epic novel of the sea."

'We should talk more.'

"The captain says we have to stay up here until we stop acting so childish."

'Without thinking Captain Hook uses the wrong hand'

Fish near-death experiences.

'THINGMY ON THE PORT BOW!! You know, what's it called? Long and pointy... Very fast... TORPEDO ON THE PORT BOW!!'

Daily Grind...'I'm getting too old for this!'

"Thanks for the super pirate ship, Mum."

Captain's Log: Day 3 of Polly's cracker detox was a tough one...

A Tale of the Sea

"I made him do the plank."

'This guy is recording our singing, but I can't see us getting royalties any time soon...'

Santa never made it as a pirate: 'Yo ho ho! And a bottle of egg nog!'

"So leaving it with a broker didn't do any good at all?"

Shoot, that's right – that's the chest where I kept all those left boots.

Mermaid luring pirates to their death

Illustration for 'A Wrinkle for the Coastguard'.

Giraffe Sailing

"I removed the carpeting and lo and behold, hardwood!"

A young Captain Hook visits Santa Claus

'He tells a great story, but the truth is that he was drinking a mai tai, and the little umbrella poked him in the eye.'

'He's murder on the high C's.'

'No, sorry, this isn't an oil tanker.'

Confessions of a Lighthouse Keeper.