Piranha Jokes Lover Pillows

My nose is streaming with hayfever today. - '*sniff*' - 'Hayfever is a sign of weakness.' - 'Why do you say that?' - 'You have weak sinuses, therefore you are weak. Duh.'

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

Pirate Squirrels Looking for Buried Treasure

POP goes the weasel, Collin, not ka-boom splat.

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

The Brazilian Blow dry

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'Ships plumber reporting for duty.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"Planet of the puppies"

'These young doctors know nothing, I used to see 500 patients every day...'

"Keep your guard up and don't hold your punches. Whatever you do, watch out for his right hook!"

'You've got a lot to learn about being a good team player!'

Man with pirate eye patch and bandana giving a lecture

'It's exploded! The wizard warned him to break it in gently.'

"Clown pirates!! Whatever you do, don't underestimate their numbers!!"

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

"I only missed one rodent quota!"

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

Brighton Rocky

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'You can come out now, Harold. Economists say a recession won't happen.'

Yes, I'm sure I existed. 404 not found.

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

'I read where scientists say King Tut had a clubfoot and his parents may have bee siblings.'

"This one's different, mummy, he wants me for my brain."

Unreal Estate.

'Don't worry boss...he will talk...we told him the fish was a piranha.'

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

'Don't worry about it, nurse. Mr. Jones is one of my private patients.'