Pineapple Ponderer Pillows

"Your pineapple empandas are delicious. Except for one thing."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Happy thoughts

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

"Leave it you guys! We have this EVERY-SINGLE-TIME we go anywhere!!"

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

'Hello, are you an endangered species or can I eat you?'

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

'Do you ever worry about our global footprint?'

Guy on island sees giant ship in bottle.

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

Gardener digging and finding pipes.

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

The Old Dun Cow - Bitter & twisted.

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

'If nothing sticks to Teflon, how come Teflon sticks to the pan?'

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

"Who's next?"

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"I think I'm allergic to peanuts."

"If you need us we're available 22/7."

This could be interesting...

"Wood-oven-toasted rosemary focaccia or traditional baguette?"

Square root of chicken is egg.

'Another one. Do you realize that will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

'Milton, you really did make it to the other side!'

"Well, this is getting us exactly nowhere."

'Happy Xmas!'

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'

"I'm pretty sure the alcohol neutralizes the gluten."

"I don't mind being butchered. But I can't stand the thought of my legs going in one box, my breast in another, my wings in another. . ."