Pumpkin Ponderer Pillows

'I explored all of my career options and found sitting on a porch was more rewarding than becoming a pumpkin pie.'

The Ekert Saga: '...So I thought you should know...even for Danae it seemed a little weird.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

"OK, I've emptied my mind and cleared my head...what now?"

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

"Who's next?"

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

"What d'you say we try sneaking out before the last one?"

"I wonder if he's talking to me?"

This could be interesting...

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

"Wood-oven-toasted rosemary focaccia or traditional baguette?"

Square root of chicken is egg.

'Milton, you really did make it to the other side!'

'I love the smell of spring!'

'Come on girls, can you at least pretend I rule the roost when the farmer is around...'

Wow! — this discredits all my theories.

'Happy Xmas!'

"I don't mind being butchered. But I can't stand the thought of my legs going in one box, my breast in another, my wings in another. . ."

"Which one of us is me?"

'All these heads are kind of gross aren't they? What if we collected pottery or something?'

'Eddy Penguin? I'm not sure, officer... Can you desctibe him?'

"Your pineapple empandas are delicious. Except for one thing."

"Why cull us when we could be retrained?"