Pinch Pranksters Pillows

'Now you keep them scorpion claws away from your face, 'cause those things will pinch you real hard!'

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

'It's called 'cause and effect.' I pound this log and Tarzan goes bananas.'

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

Gym. Check in Here. The only time I feel the burn is when I pay the memberbship fee.

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

ABC Diapers. Comfy Tushy Diapers. Now 3 times more absorbent! Note to self: Drink 4 times more juice.

Someone's going to have to tell him he's adopted...

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

Tartar sauce.

"Not that it's right, but I understand. I was young once and used to sneak out to do crop circle, too."

Me and my money are soon parted

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

"'Let's introduce him to a mirror' he said. 'It'll be fun he said'. You call the coroner!"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

A clown is walking a balloon dog. He is pretending it is weeing on a fire hydrant.

Monkey dropping apples on Newton's head.

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

Back to the Holidays

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Revenge Of The Tipped Cows

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

'The truth is, Gorillas don't even like bananas...They just love pratfalls.'

Children in a Nursery.

Why clown agents shoul never hide in the WC

'No problem Mr. Billings, just drop your shorts and let me take a sniff around there.'

"I'm ready to play Hide and go Seek."

Remember, when we show mommy, we pretend this was your idea, ok?

"Omnipotent?! I thought you said impotent. And you're out of wished, too."

'I am unable to find the words to respond to that.'