Penny Pincher Humorist Pillows

"My only problem with fiscal restraint is the restraint part."

'Think he'll ever spring for the bowl?'

"I gave at the office!"

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

"I just..."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Rising Gas Prices

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

'What can you get with a quarter?'

Blowing dust off an order book.

'Margaret, what are we doing on this cruise ship that we couldn't have done at home, cheaper?'

"I'm taking your advice and saving my money!"

Gym. Check in Here. The only time I feel the burn is when I pay the memberbship fee.

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

Does your accountant share your enthusiasm for the future...We're fantastically excited about the new project!

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

Me and my money are soon parted

"All I have left to cut is my lunch money."

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

"We're going to have to save some money...and one way is to rewrite the rules on expenses claim."

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

World's cheapest car