Pillow Perfectionist Gifts

"They're doing inspections-get the throw pillows in order."

"I sleep on my side, but I pass out on my stomach."

I'd do anything for a good night's sleep. Well here's a $33,000 mattress. Hand-crafted layers of horsehair, cotton, flax and natural latex. What sucker would think overpriced horsehair would put them to sleep?! What's the number? Does health care cover it?

'And the kids will go on treating the place like an hotel if you keep leaving them chocolate mints on their pillows.'

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

'I think he thinks I'm a pillow.'

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

Pachyderm insomnia.

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

"All your throw pillows were in knots."

Pillows in love.

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'We don't want to risk having any injuries during spring training.'

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

"I don't care if you are on full alert, take that silly hat off before you tear the pillows to shreds!"

"He's got SUCH greasy hair, and dandruff like you wouldn't believe!"

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

'If you can't sleep...imagine you're at work.'

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"There really is such a thing as having too many pillows."

"Now give me something intimate to say."

"But in the dream, ha ha, your family was normal, even that sociopath little brother of yours."

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

'Maybe 'Bring Your Pillow To Work Day' wasn't such a good idea.'

Are you kiddin'? Those babies are all made right here on the premises.

'Tommy falls asleep in class.'

He liked his communication soft and cuddly.

Neck pillows? Were did you get neck pillows?

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"