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"I'll be here on your way back."

'I never tire of watching Hippies go by: They're so colourful...'

'Welcome to Lourdes'

John Bunyan

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

Crowded Ice Fishing

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

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'Sometimes, in the stillness and warmth of an afternoon sun, I can almost hear interest compounding.'

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Yes sir, Thoreau had the right idea.'

"Rome was great – aside from the roaming fees."

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

"How long has he been missing?"

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

"Well, it certainly explains why everyone's so nice!"