Pigeon Conspiracist Pillows

Secret footage from Roswell, shows an alien and debris from a crashed UFO

Elevator Music

Man lets his pigeons out to be fed in the park.

'All she said was something about having rice for dinner and then poof!. . . She's gone!'

'If this drilling goes on they are going to find my stash of Martian Dollars I buried as a hedge against inflation.'

New York Scatological Society

"He's cooing on the ledge. May I take a message?"

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

'Aren't collar doves cute!'

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

"No, you didn't hear the soft rustle of a sandwich wrapper!"

Pigeon Memos

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

'You spoil those pigeons.'

"The human is back - act normal."

Nelson.

Hot dog vendor in the rain.

'Man, this guy's killing me!'

'Not more junk mail!'

'I hate bird watching in the city.'

Cat scratch fever

"Methinks hitting 'Reply to all' doth you a disservice, sire."

"I told your parents I would convert."

"I flew South once. Couldn't buy a decent soft pretzel."

"Wood-oven-toasted rosemary focaccia or traditional baguette?"

Second homing pigeon

"You have two unread messages."

"I no longer have the intestinal fortitude for street food."

"No one else, huh! So who the hell is sending you a pigeon at four in the morning?!"

'Look, Fred, there are pigeons on our window sill.'

"Accidentally flying onstage does not count as 'doing Shakespeare in the Park.' "