Physician's Fee Fanatic Gifts

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

"To join OPEC you must be a country and filthy rich in oil."

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

Currency Stimulus.

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

"Squawk! Interest rates are going negative!"

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

Scrip Doctor

Medical Supplies

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'I have a lot of stock in Zorex Drugs, and I only want medicine that they make.'

Fiscal Cliff Dwellers.

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

'Sorry, Professor, that's not the kind of specimen the doctor wants.'

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

'Don't worry about the side effects. You already suffer from all the side effects caused by this medication.'

'KEEPING UP in practice simply means knowing which drug the FDA has withdrawn.'

"Any chance that was you who just screamed in excruciating pain?"

The world enters a global financial recession.

Roy felt it was important to act out any side effects that a prescription might cause.

'Oh no! A Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme lord!'

"Someday this will all be yours!"

'Mrs.Neal, we did everything we could: anglopasty, laser surgery, replaced a valve, put in a shunt. . . Your husband still snores like a musk ox.'

"I can't afford to take on any new conditions at this time."

Annual sleep disorder for tax accountants.

"Personally, I never take anything but aspirin."

'It says take all your medication,if you can afford it.'

'Gee! I think we have the new sex-pill!'

"Well it's not so much an ITCH, more a slight irritation, what could it be?"

'How did I become Vice-President? You ask...I came up with the logest list of fees to charge bank customers.'

Bureau of Government Pork: 'Good Lord! Who's going to pay for all this!'

'Your tests all come back negative, but we have a pill for that.'