Photo Shop Employee Gifts

'To be successful in this business you've got to think negative.'

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

Next camera crew 5 mins

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

"That was the pet store, dear - they want to know if you've noticed any minor flashes of aggression in Joey since starting the steroid bird feed?"

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

'More pictures of your kids. Wow, they've really grown since yesterday.'

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

Auto Mechanic Birthdays

'Rodin's wet blanket'

'I think the temperature's a bit low in the Terrarium!'

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

'You won't last ten minutes out there.'

Gift-wrapped pet

'This must be the work clothes section.'

"You got the chip shop gig, then?"

'Oh no you don't!'

Printing Room

'I just never thought you would turn into such a clock watcher.'

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

'If you have trouble with cold feet in bed, you will find this dog is equivalent to two blankets.'

"These are the care instructions. And if things don't work out, there's a recipe on the back."

"How mushy do you like your peas..?"

"Just groceries? Oh I see..."

'I need a new scent.'

'No you may NOT see a menu.'

"I don't care if the hampsters do enjoy it.."

'Someday your prints will come.'

'I wanna buy a muzzle.'

'In the off-season I generally do some hunting and fishing, help out in my father's auto showroom, have knee surgery, and work out in my hometown youth center.'

"You don't need your selfie stick...the booth takes selfies for you!"

"Could you deliver 500 pizzas over there at the sports shop? Just ask for Hank at the frisbee department."

'Our tests show this to be a more aerodynamic position.'

"This duck call costs more than my cell phone did."