Photo Day Strategist Gifts

"Hold it! What am I doing? I've never been here. And I got class pictures tomorrow! Why didn't I leave when I had the chance?"

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Here's the deal, throw me back and I won't text your boss telling him you called in sick to fish."

"Take the picture, dam it, take the picture!"

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

'Don't just stand there, get into focus!'

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

'I'll take ten, please.'

Why does every kid want the wallet size? School picture, early days.

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

'Can't come in to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty bug.'

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

Join the Army! And see the world! Satellite reconnaissance photo analysis division.

'I thought you wanted to get more involved with sports.'

'Removal sounds politically incorrect.'

'How did our ‘Get Away From It All' vacation turn into a ‘Take Most Of It With You' long weekend?'

Origins of the 'Beard Of Bees'.

With the Inflatable Pocket Potty, you'll never have to wait in line again at the stadium.

"Remember you making fun of me for using a litter box? Well, good luck going outside now that it's freezing out."

The baseball players psychiatrist.

'Psst - my wife works part time for the IRS!'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

"She's a little overworked but, depending on what happens next Sunday, I'll probably jump back on."

"A four-year, $60 million contract and he can't even do a decent end-zone dance!"

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'Would you believe we forgot to put anything in the contract about him actually playing football?'

"It's a bit derivative."

"Gotta go."

"Yeah, I'm just tired of the whole sunscreen thing."

Umbrella fight.

"I forgot to call in dead."

"I mean, like in painting, we'd be called a 'school'."