Phonic Philosopher Mugs

Legends of Hold Music

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

Woman on the phone.

"I'll have to put you on hold. I have a bite on the other line."

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

Non Thought For The Day.

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

' Once again, the name is Perry, with a P, as in pterodactyl.'

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

Deconstructionist girlfriend

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

"This song is dedicated to all of you who have been having a hard time deciding between the big bang and steady state theories."

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute - Calls will be answered in random order.'

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

Gawk

Phonetic Man

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

'Because Elvis is FULL of philosophical insights.'

"Don't ask me. I don't know what 'my country 'tis of thee' means, either."

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

'I heard it was because of a broken charger.'

Reception - "Do you want to continue to 'hold' or do you want to call back later and 'hold'?"

'And I don't appreciate being left on hold,with Motorhead's 'The ace of spades'!'

'I can't believe I phoned my ex at 4 in the morning and go the wrong number. Still, if I look on the upside...it's lucky I didn't get the right number.'

"You're addicted to your phone and I think you need help."

"I don't know this one."