Phone Conversation Pillows

Husband does the Ironing

Fine, fine, and how is business with you?

'No, not abominable. The normal kind.'

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

So you're a mocking bird...

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"It is we."

"So, what do you do for play?"

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

What price beauty?

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.