Phone Bill Ponderer Gifts

'Hmmmmm. I wonder if there were any roaming charges to call the moon.'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

'As you know, some of us can't keep up with the pace of new technology.'

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

Progress?

"If all countries are in debt, who's got all the money?"

"A pessimist thinks that we've already arrived."

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

'Well that's a load off my mind. Osborne's cutting the 50p tax rate.'

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

'It seems like a good invention now, but someday there'll be millions of these things, all crashing into each other.'

CREEPY AF AI

'You have to admire the way Hartley overcame his honesty and integrity to get to the top.'

A man about to plug in a lamp looks at electric sockets on the wall that say 'Solar,' 'Hydro Electric' and 'Nuclear.'

"I want my job back."

'To be or not to be . . . contingent on royal funding.'

"Shouldn't we hold off an artificial intelligence until we figure out actual intelligence?"

Pizza Palazzo. Relax - It's only the post office that's thinking of stopping Saturday delivery!

Mailwoman looks at mailboxes marked Mail - Spam.

"My biggest fear is being judged fairly by history."

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

I used to feel empty and worthless around that heavy guy, too, until I realized, hey, he's just full of pennies!

A Chinese person pushes a yin and yang symbol up a hill.

"What's tough is having to build a new power base from scratch."

'And remember - happiness can't buy you money.'

"The universe will either continue expanding at its present rate, expand at a slower rate, or begin to contract. None of this, however, can explain why it sometimes takes four days to get a letter from Chicago."

"You know damn well that E-on wrote to us months ago, and what did you do? Precisely nothing!"

The virtual vanity mirror.

How to tell that the plumber you hired learned his trade in 'the land down under'.

Periodically, Sadie Cohen gets jacked up on caffeine, then goes to the US post office. Once she gets to the counter, she starts chatting and asks endless questions, stopping up the line for hours, frustrating to no end the people behind her. It's her favorite practical joke and, frankly, one of the darkest things the human eye can witness. Enjoy! What's your opinion of the two-day certified mail to Wichita? Move it, lady!

The Master Switch