Philosophy Newbie T-Shirts

"If 'A Tree Grows in Brooklyn' and no one reads it, does it make a sound?"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

"Good game."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Thinking Gears

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Think you're pretty manly, eh? OK, put the gun down and let's have a fair fight."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."