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Optimist/Pessimist/Me

"But, remember, you're responsible for your own happiness."

"It's just a theory, but perhaps it's their opposable thumbs that makes them crazy."

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?" "This just in" "1. Nobody - 2. A schmuck - 3. Maybe tomorrow."

"Exactly what is this 'nothing' I've been hearing so much about?"

'Whoa! Half empty! Definitely half empty!'

'Welcome to another one of life's brick walls standing directly in your path! Please select from the following options...'

'The problem is I can't tell the difference between a deeply wise, intuitive nudge from the Universe and one of my own bone-headed ideas!'

"Are we there yet?"

'Who was first?'

Chicken and egg in a waiting room: 'Who was first?'

"The world would be a better place if everyone just thought the way I do."

"'Is it right? ... Is it fair?' Get a grip Carlton - we're a law firm!"

'I hope we're not going to have the same old argument.'

'I can explain the meaning of life, but I can't explain Medicare drug coverage.'

'My asset allocation? 40% 'ying' and 60% 'yang'.'

All we have in life is this moment...

'I'm not sure if I'm an optimist or a pessimist. . . I see the glass half-clean.'

'I litigate, therefore I am.'

'Mike! How the heck are you?' - 'The usual, Pete! Spiritually and emotionally empty, my personal life is a shambles, and I'm near-suicidal!

'All cats have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a cat.'

Road signs: Life is a Journey (stay left) and Life is a Destination (exit ahead).

"Live today like you're gonna die tomorrow Gus. But we're fruit flies so it's true."

"It's getting much harder for me to distinguish good from evil. All I'm certain about is what's appropriate and what's inappropriate."

PastFuture.

Ockham's razor

How To Be In the Moment

'It says here that the secret to happiness is to enjoy the present.'

"You picked the wrong religion, period. I'm not going to argue about it."

'The great thing about mindless violence is that it encourages the evolution of mindless altruism.'

The Wise Man

'You must realize that desire is the cause of almost all unhappiness - but, just out of curiosity, where could I get a suit like that?'

10 Commandments: God with human rights and big business laws - "Hey, hang on I've only given you the introduction."

"I know things Google doesn't."

Occasionally, when logic and rational inferences based on experience were not enough, Plato and Aristotle would resort to settling their discourse by other means.