Philosophy Funster Gifts

"Every day in every way I'm getting gullibler and gullibler."

'Nobody's looking -- how about a third-eye opener?'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

British savings accounts

Cheeze Wiz.

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

What happens when the bears are running the market.

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

Pirates

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'Looks like your recovery has been slowed by a diet rich in Greece, followed by a bout of gas problems. Continue to take your QE and call me next quarter.'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

Guess your net worth, only 25 cents.

The TROU of the Baroque

'The Nobel prize for medicine was awarded to Dr. Quentin R. Owlsey, who developed an anesthetic that leaves patients capable of writing checks.'

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

'As you can see, we've been recapitalized.'

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

Lew Yomp Jr: Investment Counselor & Elvis Look Alike.

"Forget consumer confidence, what we need is consumer gullibility."

'I'm sure it's some sort of publicity stunt to get the economy moving again.'

At The Clown Bank.

"The pile of cash we're sitting on… Where is it and who's sitting on it?"

"Think of the raising of taxes as a motivational tool to go out and make more money."