Philosophical Conversationalist Gifts

'Do you believe in a parallel universe?' 'I'm COUNTING on a parallel universe.'

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

A lesson in wit

'...can you tell me how to blame Obama for all that?'

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Statue of Christopher Columbus

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penalty for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time? - Andy, Los Angeles. Actual reader question. Excellent question. Unfortunately, answering that question would lead to a stock market collapse ... Which would be just the sign of weakness that the Dutch have been looking for. I'll answer you if you really want to wake up to the sound of 500,000 clogs bearing down on you. Ask Sadie questions at asksadie@rudypark.com.

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'