Philosopher Of Kindness Gifts

'Y'know what, Mom? Who needs all this glitz and excess? Let's just have a simple Christmas and donate our gifts to charity.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'Okay - who leaked?'

Social Worker

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'And everybody expects me to be happy, which only makes things worse!'

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

Holiday Shopping for Guys

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

"Oh look Harold, a flower shop!"

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

"It's just that your acts of kindness are so random."

'Dad, have you ever thought about retiring and going in for volunteer work?'

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only

"Times like these bring out the best in us."

"Yes, Gramps, we agreed to follow 'until death do us part' with the caveat that we might be placed in separate wings of the assisted living facility."

'I don't believe in me.'

"A percentage of your overdraft fees goes toward feeding the hungry."

"It's better to have loved and lost..."

'Five minutes, Jean-Paul.'

'And now he's a reactionary, and conformist.'

Don

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'