Philosopher Of Humor T-Shirts

'Those monkeys are taking forever to evolve - we need a back-up plan.'

'Blunt women are usually dull.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

Scarcity

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Archimedes statue with a lever

Zenemies.

Optimist

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Schrödinger and his cat

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

Auguste Comte

'Heidegger-Hi!'

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."